...I ever stop feeling miserable? This year has went so fast and I KNOW that I shouldn't be complaining at all. Zach was able to come home for Thanksgiving for about 12 days and that was some of the best 12 days of my life. I just feel so bad whenever he's gone. Things just don't feel right.
I always wondered in high school what it would be like when you found the right person. How you would feel...how they would feel...how it would be when you were together...I have never ever been able to completely be myself with any person I have dated, except for Zach. It's weird because I don't remember a time when Zach wasn't around. We've been together for 2 1/2 years and I don't remember what it was like not having him involved in my life. When we're apart, we can talk on the phone for hours, even if its about nothing or even if it's silence and we're both just watching TV. As soon as we're together again in person, it's like we were never apart at all. He is such a great person...sometimes I don't think he gives himself enough credit.
I'm ready for it to be May. I live with Kristen now and things are really good. I miss my family a little, but I'm actually not having too bad of a time living 'on my own'. I think me moving out early was the best for everyone. It'll get me ready for when I'm by myself in Florida, even if mom does hate it. If she doesn't understand right now, she will the first time Zach gets deployed. I need to learn not to need people so much...this is helping.
I was laying in bed last night thinking after I got off of the phone with Zach. Things were so easy before he left. We would see each other 5 or 6 days a week and get to go out and have fun whenever we wanted. When I found out he was actually going to the Air Force, I thought the whole world was over. I'll never forget the day we dropped him off at the recruiters station. I just knew that things with him and I weren't going to be the same and that the great thing we had was being ruined. I resented the Air Force for hogging him. I really hated the Air Force at that time, to be completely honest. I viewed it not for the good things it could do for us, but that it was taking Zach away. How selfish I was. I'm disappointed in myself that I didn't see that the Air Force wasn't going to ruin the 'great thing we had' because it was more than just 'a great thing'. Being scared that the Air Force was going to ruin our relationship just shows the lack of faith I had in the both of us.
And now, one year and two months later, here we are. A little over 3 months away from being married. I don't have any resentment about the Air Force anymore. It's done a lot of great things for Zach...and for me. I have never been so proud of anyone, as I was of Zach at his graduation from basic training. The time we have had apart has made me realize how infinitely lucky I am to have the opportunity to share my life with such an awesome person. I have spent approximately 35 out of the 365 days of 2010 with Zach and because of our limited time together, each one of those days has been special for me. Before the Air Force, it would have been just 'any other day'.
330 days apart did not break me; neither will 101 days more. Deployments? Bring 'em on. <3 ____________________________
I know you see me Like some wide eyed dreamer
That just rolled in off a dusty mid west bus
Yeah, on the outside
I look fragile
But on the inside is something you can’t crush
Cause I'm country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I'll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I have weathered
Colder winters; Longer summers
Without a drop of rain
Push me in a corner
And I’ll come out fighting
I may lose but I ‘ll always keep my faith
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
Cause I’m country strong
Hard to break
Like the ground I grew up on
You may fool me
And I’ll fall
But I won’t stay down long
Cause I’m country strong
I’m country strong
Yeah, I’m country strong
Monday, January 24, 2011
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hey there! no, i haven't been able to fix the wideness of the shabby blogs' wide background. i'm not very good at code and they haven't gotten back to me either. however, my friend who tried fixing it for me said that it's set up for a higher resolution screen. i view it on a laptop screen so it's smaller also. i don't see the entire background, but others have said that they do. i don't know why this is because i've been able to view other shabby blogs backgrounds on my screen just fine. perhaps i will ask them again, or just work on creating my own.
ReplyDeletegood luck to you, and congratulations your future wedding! it's very difficult to live on your own if you haven't before, but there's so much growth that happens...you'll be very proud of yourself :). hang in there!